I'm Getting the Band Back Together

Although the monkey is still months away from being born, I think it'll be one and done with having a kid. We have the right to change our minds, of course, so don't hold it against us if we decide that Barnabas needs a playmate (or something to terrorize other than the cats). But for now, he's likely our only one.

Which is fine by me, because as I've said many times, we either have one, three, or five (Kristen, honey, if you're feeling faint, lie down).

You're likely thinking, what's wrong with two? They'll always have someone to play with, the younger one will be protected from bullies by the older child, hand-me-down clothing... But, in my eyes, if you're going to have two, you may as well have three, if only to

(suspenseful pause)

have enough to form a band.

Guitar, drums, bass (with the guitarist singing). It's always been a dream of mine to have a Hanson-style group (the Chelis? ChillChel? Cha-cha-Cheli?) to tour around the Midwest playing state fairs and high school dances. I would be their manager, brow-beating them into practicing all hours of the day, eschewing their own childhood so that I can become famous. I'll be the Murray Wilson of the 21st century! (Murray Wilson was the father of Brian, Dennis, and Carl Wilson of the Beach Boys.)

Now I would never want four kids, because that would mean war at all times -- two against two. You always want to have an odd number of kids, you see, so there can always be a tie-breaker. Do we play in the mud or do we throw rocks at squirrels? Let's take a vote!

So that leads us to five, which, of course, is a basketball team. Hopefully with our tall genes (I'm around 6'2" and Kristen father's around the same height), we could have a barnstorming team (with me as coach), like the Harlem Globetrotters, going to state fairs and high school gyms (you see a pattern here?).

Now, sure, seeing as Kristen has to actually be the one to be pregnant for these additional 4 children, she'll have a say in it. Maybe.

But really, can you fault a guy for having a dream?

(And seven kids? Oh, man, that's a team with a bench! Oh glorious day!)